Tonight, once again, it hit me like a train. The terrifying extent to which I love that little girl.

I got home from work and she was crying inconsolably. Rob had been trying everything and she wouldn’t quieten down and she was so distressed. So I picked her up for a cuddle and gradually she calmed down and snuggled into my shoulder (this is very unusual, normally daddy is number one! And while this may give me the occasional pang, I realised tonight that being number one is a frightening and awesome responsibility I’m not sure I always want!) And as I held her I felt like I never wanted to let her go, ever ever ever. Like I never wanted to leave her again. She is the most precious thing I have ever known, and I would do anything to stop her from feeling hurt, or feeling sad.

I have been planning a couple of holidays for next year – Rob’s and my honeymoon, and a trip to India with Lorna – both for about ten days. And I think it’s important to do these things, to continue with my life outside of being a mum, and do the things that have always made me happy. But tonight I feel like Elsie is the only thing that matters. The only really important thing in the whole world. My beautiful beautiful beautiful girl.