Tonight, once again, it hit me like a train. The terrifying extent to which I love that little girl.

I got home from work and she was crying inconsolably. Rob had been trying everything and she wouldn’t quieten down and she was so distressed. So I picked her up for a cuddle and gradually she calmed down and snuggled into my shoulder (this is very unusual, normally daddy is number one! And while this may give me the occasional pang, I realised tonight that being number one is a frightening and awesome responsibility I’m not sure I always want!) And as I held her I felt like I never wanted to let her go, ever ever ever. Like I never wanted to leave her again. She is the most precious thing I have ever known, and I would do anything to stop her from feeling hurt, or feeling sad.

I have been planning a couple of holidays for next year – Rob’s and my honeymoon, and a trip to India with Lorna – both for about ten days. And I think it’s important to do these things, to continue with my life outside of being a mum, and do the things that have always made me happy. But tonight I feel like Elsie is the only thing that matters. The only really important thing in the whole world. My beautiful beautiful beautiful girl.

More of those pics. Don't know what went wrong the other evening but it wouldn't work.

We have had a really lovely day at home together today. We did an activity with Ruth and Thomas this afternoon - water play with coloured ice cubes. It was very messy and marvellous.

I love this one.

I have been most remiss at blogging (or indeed not) lately. Must try harder. Life has been so bloomin' hectic. But I must - Elsie is so amazing at the moment, so interesting and changing every day, now more than ever it is important to document everything for posterity.

Last weekend Rob took some fantastic pictures of Elsie with the camcorder on still images mode. They are brill. So, hot off the press - here they are!

Huge concentration writing an e and a l!

She was so cool this morning! I was so proud of her. When we first got in the pool she was saying "no no nooo", not really cring or distressed but in a muttering under her breath, I'm not at all sure about this way.

Then we splashed about for a bit and she got used to it, but she didn't want me to stop cuddling her at all. Then a very nice boy gave her a ball, and she got quite into it, holding onto the ball with me supporting her round her waist and she was kicking her legs and everything. She is so brave! It was really good.

It is absolutely horrible looking at this picture. This is just before we rushed off to hospital cause of her massively swollen lips. I can't believe I didn't notice sooner, looking at this picture it looks so obvious. It got far worse than this, but it is awful to think she looked like that and I was just snapping away with my camera. Uuuugh, horrible flashback.

By the way, tomorrow is my first Monday of not working, horaaaaaaaayyyy! Elsie and I are going to go swimming - I bought her a costume today, how exciting!

Aaaaaaw, our family.

Tee hee!

We spent the first few trips up and down the stairs today battling with a very very cross Elsie who wanted to be carried. She is quite capable of going up and down stairs herself now, so we persevered through the tantrums – there were about three of them – and now she is going up and down herself no problems and no fuss. Amazing! In the middle of tantrum number two we were both getting a bit freaked out and said what we normally say when things get hard, “What would Dr Tanya do?” “She would turn going up stairs into a really fun game that she would love to play.” So Rob did, he went up before her and made it seem so much fun that she followed with only the least convincing of protestations!

But I’ve just taken her up to bed, and she went up by herself, carrying her own milk, climbed onto the chair herself, sat and drank her milk herself (first time not on one of our knees having a cuddle) – and was totally fine. It’s brilliant, but really brings home how quickly she’s growing up. Soon she’ll be moving out, getting her own place, getting a job – she needs me so much less than she used to and soon she won’t need me at all. Terrifying.

This is another pic of Elsie and I at Bargefest.

A few weeks ago when I'd had my face painted at work!

Another pic of Elsie at Bargefest! What a cutie.

I am going down to four days a week at work in about two weeks, hoorah! So I'll be spending more time with my babe. I'm actually going down to three days a week, but not til October.

Although Elsie isn't in this pic, I wanted to share the finished product!

Elsie getting creative on Dan's legs - she was doing this for ages!

We are having a lovely weekend. We went up to Ashton Court festival yesterday and Elsie was brilliant - the life and soul of the party as always! She was dancing away to the music and loving it.

This morning she didn't get up until 9.15am which was great so we've all had a nice lie in, hoorah! We've just been reading George's Marvellous Medicine upstairs before she went down for her afternoon nap - I don't think she was really concentrating though!

This was last weekend at Bargefest - before we had to rush off to A&E when Elsie had her reaction, we think to hummus. It was such a glorious day before the six hours at the children's hospital. If you haven't already heard about this then don't worry, all is well now - we're just waiting to go and see an immunologist to see what it is that our delicate little flower is so violently allergic to, and feeding only the most dull, tried and tested foods in the meantime.